A letter to the hammers and wrenches

Dear Tools,

I'm starting to think that traits like cleverness and charm are simply shoddy attempts to mask your collective personality flaw. I'm all about the "live and let live" thing, but hustle me and I'll hold an eternal grudge. You may succeed in throwing me off for a while with seemingly intelligent conversation and party tricks, but don't be hasty in claiming a victory over my Tooldar because my moderate level of intelligence will kick in eventually.

Blips on the Tooldar include:

• Telling a story that is exaggerated beyond recognition.
• Knowing something about everything . . . news flash that is impossible. Sorry.
  
• Withering when not the focus of attention.
• Eagerness to take and never to give.
  

So, uh, think of this as an olive branch of sorts. When I punch you in the face, you won't be able to say I didn't warn you.

Meg